The last time I watched a movie for you, was Last Action Hero which featured Arnold Schwarzenegger doing his Arnold Schwarzeneggingist to portray a human actor, which as we all know, he failed on all fronts. This time I around, I watched a film where the majority of the actors are fuzzy bears with spears (and they say there's no diversity in Hollywood), all displaying more emotion, and more depth of character.
I'd imagine the pitch for this made for TV epic began with a producer and a network executive in a office somewhere:
Producer: "So our writers have a couple of storylines they'd like to share with you--"
Executives: One of them better be about Ewoks. Kids love ewoks."
(Producer furiously starts scribbling notes one of the scripts)
Producer: Yep, got one right here. Its about a ewok and definitely not a jedi on a quest.
Executive: You know whats hot right now? That kid from E.T.
Producer: The boy who played Elliot? Don't remember his name but I guess we could...
Executive: Sure, get him too if you can get the girl.
Producer: Drew Barrymore?
Executive: Is that her name?
And so on from there. Basically try to imagine if Cindy and Peter Brady got marooned on Endor, and that one Ewok you remember from Return of the Jedi spent the whole movie flailing around and screwing everything up, you basically have a Caravan of Courage...
In a decision that required no deliberation, no planning and no forthought, the Ewoks decide to help the Brady kids find their parents. Probably because no one wants human kids around with free floating viruses that would no doubt be fatal to a fragile immune system.
For those of you concerned with your childhood being killed at this point, may I remind you that that time has long past and I'm just here cleaning it up.
"And so the children walked from dense forest to desert, back to dense forest where something jumped out at them and back into desert where Peter Brady complained the whole time."
But they pressed on and made it to the other side, which they happened to realize led to where their parents were held hostage. They weren't expecting that."
I don't know what this thing is, all we know that it grabbed Mr. and Mrs Brady, stuck them in a tiny cage. I also know it has a disproportionately small mouth that an Ewok couldn't fit through. But hey, its George Lucas' universe, we're just stuck wondering what on earth he's doing.
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